A madman resurrects inside the LA Church
A man rose from the dead at the LA Church in Los Angeles on May 16, four months after being murdered in cold blood.
At the Severe Violent Nature Wrestling show on Jan. 17, deathmatch wrestler Phil Insane announced his medically induced retirement. The emotional and heartfelt speech was interrupted by Joe Dred.
“The physical embodiment of imposing justice and fairness through violence,” said Steven Jury, who works as Dred’s manager.
Jury, a self-described “hyena disguised as a lion,” says Dred has spent his entire life facing injustice, even from his family, and now he aims to destroy liars and cheaters in the world.
On Jan. 17, Dred and Jury zip-tied Insane to the ring. They repeatedly bashed him over the head with steel chairs and light tubes. Deathmatch wrestler Shlak and referee Mike Valencia got involved, to no avail. Medics and fans silently shared concerned looks. By the end, a bloodied and mangled corpse that resembled Insane remained strung on the ropes.
Dred, a man fans call the Devil You Know, said it didn’t feel good to end the career of someone he once respected. “But the thing about this business is, when you step away, you don’t leave on your own two feet,” he said.
“I thought there was someone else just like me, and to find out, right there in the ring, that he wasn’t like me — it hurt,” Dred said. “There has to be a measuring stick in this industry, and if I have to be it and be the sole one of it, I’ll do it.”
Since that incident, Dred has held multiple open challenges. He’s trying to find an equal — someone worthy of sharing the squared circle with him. The gap seems immense.
Jury tried finding an opponent for Dred to compete against at SVN: Tell Me If I’m Telling Lies on May 16, but to no avail. At the event, a bloodied hillbilly named Bootleg Dave shuffled across the ring, slurring his words, after losing a match against Rob Shit. In a fight of rage, he grabbed a microphone and demanded a fight with the best wrestler in the venue.
“I Ubered my ass all the way out here for one reason and one reason only, and that was to fight the biggest, the baddest, the most savage monsters in this God damn industry,” Bootleg Dave said. “And, all I was dealt was a hand of Rob Shit!”
Then, distorted guitars blasted through the church halls and a pig-faced butcher walked in. The interloper stopped a foot away from the ring, scanned the room and slowly unveiled a person long considered dead, someone who refuses to die: a zombie. Underneath the mask was Phil Insane.
“Can’t kill Phil! Can’t kill Phil!” was shouted from the bloodthirsty masses filling the room. .
There was no escape for Dave. Insane beat him without mercy. The beating began inside the ring, then spilled into the stands and outside onto the patio. He dragged broken light tubes across Dave’s glass-filled back, creating a river of blood, and tossed him into a pyramid of stacked metal chairs.
It was a recreation of the Battle of Blair Mountain. On one side, an unstoppable and mean force. On the other, a hillbilly mustering up the spirit and gumption of Mother Jones. Like Blair Mountain’s union workers, those that saw the horrors would be forever changed.
Insane dragged Dave to the middle of the ring, put one foot on his chest and the referee began the count.
“One, two, three,” the fans yelled.
He’d bashed Dave with the pent-up rage of a man who’s been wronged and he wanted more.
The fans demanded more too.
Dred entered the ring with a screwdriver resting across his mouth and his “hyena” at his hip. He asked for a challenge, and a man he called “the last of a dying breed” accepted.
As Insane walked toward the ring, Dred began his onslaught. A fury of fists was followed by a back-and-forth showdown with light tubes and chairs. Fans cheered when Dred rammed a broken light tube into Insane’s forehead, and gasped when he dragged a cheese grater across the hemorrhaging gash.
Insane rallied by hurling a fan’s chair. Then he grabbed a light tube, stepped into his swing, turned his hips and swung through Dred’s stomach. Shards of glass dotted the floor and a cloud of phosphor surrounded the fighters.
The smell of rusted iron lingered in the air. The church’s walls dripped blood. It was impossible to decipher who the vital fluids belonged to, but one thing was clear: the ring crew had a serious mess to clean after the show.
Insane put Dred on the canvas by throwing a bundle of light tubes at him. Dazed and unable to breathe, Dred stared at the man he swore he killed towering over him.
With victory three seconds away, Insane turned his back to his opponent. Whether it was a momentary loss of judgment or rust from a seven-month hiatus, he made a grave error. He turned away from a wild animal, and Dred’s “hyena” capitalized on the rookie mistake.
First, bloodfighter Alex Colon blindsided and pummeled Insane. Then, Jury helped trap his arms against the ropes. He stood there, captive — a near-mirror image of the day Dred attempted the impossible, when he tried to kill Phil Insane.
Jury scurried into the crowd when 290 pounds of madness barreled into the ring. Hoodfoot, a deathmatch wrestling legend, charged toward Dred covered in blood from an earlier skirmish. He foiled the public execution by reversing a chair shot, sending Dred through the ropes.
Chaos immediately ensued throughout the church.
Fans swarmed Insane as he choked Dred with a broomstick against the patio gate. Colon nailed Hoodfoot with a high-speed crossbody while he rested in a row of pews, and Jury nearly attacked the referee. He claimed poor officiating was responsible for the blood on his suit.
A well-timed interference from Jury and Colon ended the match in disqualification, saving Dred from a potential loss. Angry and disheveled, Insane leaned over the top rope and demanded another fight. They agreed to continue their rabid dogfight on July 18 in a three-on-three tag team match inside the LA Church.
Insane said Dred sneak attacked him because he couldn’t fight him like a man. He has “no honor, no loyalty, no respect,” Insane said.
“So, tonight I got a little bit of payback and there’s a lot more coming,” Insane added.
Despite the violent animosity, Jury says he’s impressed by Insane — that he’s more complex than previously thought.
“What that man has been through to get here is shocking,” Jury said, “I’m not sure if it’s respect or if it’s fear, but I’m very impressed with Phil Insane tonight, I have to say, all things considered, rage aside.”
Fans said Insane’s return filled them with a myriad of emotions.
Mando Islas said he “felt bloody. There was pizza there. There was chairs. I felt alive. I felt dead, I felt resurrected by Phil.”
“This ain’t your mama’s deathmatch,” Islas said. “This ain’t your daddy’s wrestling. This ain’t Saturday morning cartoons. This is reality. Because when you come here, you get blood, you get pizza, you get deathmatch in your face. Have a drink or two. Enjoy yourself.”
Islas, a follower of SVN since its first show, said Dred’s and Insane’s feud can only lead to more severe violence. Fans should expect “hell in July,” he said.