He Said/She Said - Virginity


The great virginity debate hinges on two (questionable) truths:  The first is that guys are terrified of virgins because they're inexperienced, and when it comes to sex, inexperience can often be synonymous with awkward, disappointing, and messy.  The second is that guys are stoked about virgins because they are inexperienced, and when it comes to sex, inexperience can also mean curiosity, wonder, and getting to teach – and who doesn't want to walk a girl through all the ins and outs of the old in-and-out to be her first everything?  She'll remember her first time forever.

But therein lies the rub:  The fact that she'll never forget you is usually what makes us apprehensive about being a girl's first.  There is an unspoken understanding amongst men that taking a girl's V-card was what the Greeks were talking about with the thinly-veiled metaphor "Pandora's box" automatically turns her into a stalking, love-crazed lunatic, and the juice simply isn't worth the squeeze. 

But none of this matters, because how a guy reacts to your intact purity is secondary to what you want to do with it, which is something you need to decide for yourself and explain to him explicitly - you can always error on man's obligation to obey.  Whenever you're ready, tell him what your sexual experience is, what you want it to be, and at what pace you want to get there.  This way, as you continue to cruise your physical relationship down the Ecstasy Expressway, you don't have to worry about when you should start pumping your brakes, whether or not the stop signs are clear, or if road conditions are too slippery when wet for excessive speeds.  

There is no rule for when it's safe to drop the V-bomb, but the sooner you get those road cones up, the sooner he can learn how to safely and soundly navigate your dangerous curves.  When you tell him, he'll either think fun! or he'll think run! which is all the response you really need:  If he's worth being with at all, he'll respect your wishes whether he's helping you explore or preserve your sexuality.  If he keeps wanting to violate your traffic laws, you can impound his ass.  And if he splits, he didn't deserve a license to ride your roads in the first place.


Let it happen naturally. Your virginity is none of his business, especially if you have only been on "a few dates." That would be like telling him the bean and cheese burrito you ate last night gave you massive diarrhea - he didn't ask.

If you think this relationship is going anywhere meaningful, it shouldn't matter. You are a woman and that's all that really matters when it comes to having sex with men.

When getting to know someone intimately, things like this usually come up in time, when you're ready to have sex. The fact that you are worried about telling him tells me that you have yet to develop a real relationship with this guy, and furthermore, are not ready to have sex with him.

Also, consider that telling him now might give the wrong idea. Why would you tell him that unless you're trying to tell him you want him to take your virginity? And if you do, don't you think you might be jumping the gun a bit?

Don't get me wrong; losing your virginity is probably one of the most disappointing moments in life. There is way too much hype about something so insignificant. Women put losing their v-card up on such a high pedestal that when it finally happens most almost feel let down. Unless you get to the point where you're 31 years old and still a virgin, it's never too late to wait.

Now, if you build a special relationship with this guy, and really get to know and trust each other, losing your virginity can be very special. It may not be the first time, but having sex with him later will mean a lot more than telling him you're a virgin now.