He Said/She Said - Double-dating

HE SAID: I'm a huge champion for honesty, so yes: tell him you're dating other guys.  If anything, it'll make him try harder to win your affection – and more of your time.  If he can't handle a little competition, why would you want him anyway?  But dating multiple partners is a tricky proposition, and that's mostly Disney's fault

Every Disney movie ends in exactly the same way:  boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy and girl get married and live happily ever after.  EVERY.  SINGLE.  TIME.  And so, after growing up with this structured romantic style (despite the fact that the girl is usually barely legal, despite the fact that the hero is usually impossibly rich, and despite the fact that animals freaking talk) we think this is essentially how life is supposed to happen.  Remember the fairy princess that wanted to weigh her options?  Nope.  Remember the one where Prince Charming saves the princess only to realize he was actually better suited for her sister?  No way.  But remember when you were a kid growing up, and every relationship you were in was going to last FOREVER?  That's all Disney, and we believe it despite its absurdity.

So now, we're grown ups, and we have to try to reverse decades of monogamy reinforcement by practicing a little thing called dating, which allows us to sample the largest possible number of prospects floating around the gene pool, thus sharpening your ability to find what you want, and increasing the chances of finding it.  It's healthy.  It's normal.  But some people are still stuck in fairy tale mode.  Break them.  Or break up with them.  But don't be afraid to tell anyone you're weighing your options.

There are, however, some caveats.  First, dating around is not sleeping around.  One makes you an empowered woman with options; the other makes you a whore.  And in a multi-date situation, honesty is of the utmost importance.  Don't lie, don't cheat, and don't be afraid to tell one guy you're with the other.  Finally, don't turn into a player.  If the point of dating is to find someone special, don't let a special one get away while you're busy juggling the others.  You probably won't find your Prince Charming on your magical 18th birthday, and the first guy that kisses you probably won't be the last, but if you date multiple men with integrity, you can still live happily ever after.



Last time I checked, there were jealous and competitive "types" and guys who aren't quite so aggressive, and since you and your guy just met, there's a fair chance you have no idea what type he may be.  Then again you JUST MET so he has no right to be uber protective of you yet.  It's up to you to date as many guys as you want; it's one of the loveliest parts of being a girl in the 21st century.

Don't jump the gun on a guy you don't know yet.   Plus, why rub it in his face that he's not the only person you're interested in?  It seems sort of un-classy or too exposing to reveal that kind of information after only one or two dates.  Give the whole thing some time to simmer and you'll probably figure out pretty soon whether or not he's worth ditching the other two for.  Then it won't matter that you were seeing other guys because he won out after all.

If he's the type of guy who will get offended by the idea that you're not dating him exclusively, keep it on the down low.  There's no use hurting someone's feelings so early on in the game.

If he's alluding to other girls, feel free to play the same game, but even then I warn you that it's not always a fun road to go down.  If he's talking openly about other girls in his life it's either because he wants to make himself seem well liked or he's not a super great guy.  You don't want to be that douche-y chick that never stops talking about all the guys that like her.  Discretion is hotter.

Do you enjoy when guys talk about the other people they're dating in front of you?  I personally prefer a sort of don't ask don't tell type of policy in regards to this situation.  If you could understand his involvement with other girls this early on in your relationship, which you should because you're not being exclusive either, would you want to hear about those other girls?  I wouldn't.  It's cool, but I don't need to know.

So, test the waters first.  Figure out how much you like him, and then ditch him or ditch the other guys.  Isn't that what guys do?